chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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