For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
