You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
