mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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