My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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