i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
