Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize