First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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