Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
