some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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