You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
