Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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