omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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