ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
