So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
