I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
