If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
