the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
