Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
