Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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