It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
