How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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