Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
