I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
