I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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