I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
