so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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