i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
