the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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