FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
