It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
there is puke in my bra ... again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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