I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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