the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
