you have to choose: penises or morals?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
