I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize