return my video game
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
