it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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