News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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