Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
