Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
