Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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