Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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