Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
