what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
