this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
