I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
