I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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