Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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