just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
