watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i dont even know how to be here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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