Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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