The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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