im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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