I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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