I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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