every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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