I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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