Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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