You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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