It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
