Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
