he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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