I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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