I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
