I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
