dude i'm inner monologue high
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
