Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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