I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize