when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
